Friday afternoon February 5th was a funky day for me. I usually stay at my brother's house when I'm in LA but this weekend he had another friend visiting so I was scheduled to stay with my friend Debra, another USM student, and her husband. Because her day was so busy, I was meeting Debra at school and then going to her house. I had made my plane reservations months ago and had planned for an easy afternoon hanging out with Den and his dogs. Thus, I found myself in LAX with four hours to kill before class started. And it was raining cats and dogs outside - the coldest, grayest, nastiest weather southern California has ever seen. All my ideas about walking on the beach or going to a movie or a museum sounded like opportunities to get cold and wet to the bone. So, I decided to hang out in the airport and take a shuttle directly to school right before class started.
That's when my curriculum reared its ugly head.
Okay, maybe my Authentic Self saw an opportunity for me to heal a part of me that hadn't been healed yet. Yeah, that sounds better.
I had left my house this morning in a grumpy mood. It was Lexi's birthday and I was missing being with her on her actual Birth Day and even though we had celebrated the night before and I had made rice crispie treats for her class and she was fine with me not being there, I was a bit peeved. With a perfunctory kiss, I said goodbye to Chris and started the 90-minute process of dropping my kids off at their respective schools.
My grouchiness stayed with me throughout my drive to Sacramento, my plane ride to LA and lunch at CPK (Thai chicken pizza, which was really good). I ate lunch, read a book, listened to some music on my iPod, watched the rain falling on the planes, and then, an hour into my four hour saga, I was bored. So what did I do? I called Chris at work. He immediately made me laugh and talked with me and I felt guilty as hell. Here I was interrupting his work just because I'm bored and looking for some entertainment and he happily spends 15 or 20 minutes entertaining me. Even when I wasn't very loving this morning when I left the house in my funk. Even though I have lots of days when I'm too busy to really connect with him, what with all the cooking, cleaning ,working, kid-shuttling, etc., that fills our regular days. But he is always there, even now when I feel I don't deserve this kind of unconditional love. I haven't done anything to earn this beautiful love and acceptance from him.
And that is my curriculum for the weekend.
I feel like I need to earn anything good that comes my way. My beautiful friend Debra enthusiastically and generously said "YES!!! XOXOX" when I sheepishly asked her if I could stay with her this weekend. What had I done to earn that response? What would I do to earn my keep at their house this weekend? Buy them lots of groceries? Take them out to dinner? I had to do something! Didn't I?
In exercises this weekend, I got to go deeper into this issue and look at the roots of my upset and beliefs. I gave voice to the part of me that couldn't believe people would just like me as I am and it turned out to be me as a little girl when I didn't feel like I fit in, that I wasn't like other people, that I'm different and weird. Once she spoke and I recognized the truth of her words, the spell was broken and I could see how I had felt that way but I don't really want to be like other people, anyway. I just want to be me. I loved and accepted that child part of me and together we celebrated our uniqueness.
In another exercise, I got to directly address my situation with not being able to accept Chris's unconditional love. I was feeling like I take him for granted but expect him to be there for me even though I feel like I suck at expressing my love for him. I talked and talked, trying to figure out what was going on with me. Finally, I was out of words and I stopped talking and just waited for my partner to say something to me. Instead of responding with words, my partner just looked at me. I couldn't meet his gaze. I looked everywhere but in his eyes. There was too much love there. Growing more and more uncomfortable avoiding his eyes, I finally met his gaze for a few seconds. Then I burst out with "Stop loving me!"
"I'm just mirroring what I see in your eyes," was all he said. That threw me for a loop. Curious, I was now able to meet his gaze for a longer time, even though it was still uncomfortable. When he said something about "receiving," something shifted inside of me. I had been resisting taking any kind of love in. My resistance to receiving started sinking away. We looked at each other in silence for several minutes, until the session ended.
My partner was my mirror. He showed me how the world sees me, how Chris sees me. How could he have been my mirror, though? I was just sitting there being myself. I wasn't doing anything extra or special or even anything at all. I was just being me. Then I got it. I'm just being me and Chris loves me just the way I am. Maybe my love for Chris is in me and radiating out from me even when I'm tired, cranky, irritable, etc. I can always improve my expression of my love for Chris, but the love itself is always there, even when I'm not expressing it very well.
As a divine being having a human experience, I am at my core love. That love shines through me even when I am not aware of it. It just is. The simple fact that I am here on this planet makes me worthy and deserving of receiving love. I see that now. I can just be myself. That is enough.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Re-shuffling My Deck
Being a student at USM is unsettling. I'm starting to really wonder who I am and what I'm about. Some things that I was so sure about - like my job - are changing. It's like walking on shifting sand. It looks solid, but then it moves or you step and it slides under your foot or the wind blows and you find yourself lost. It's like that funky feeling of walking on land after living on a boat for several days - you know the ground is solid but it feels like it's swimming under your feet.
I've never been comfortable with the unknown. Goal-oriented to a fault, I'm lost without something to be working toward. But I can live in the future indefinitely - I'm fine with delayed gratification as long as I know something's coming, that I'm going somewhere. And as long as I know my goal, then I know that the payoff is coming. There have only been two times in my life when I didn't have a goal: from birth to age 6 (when I first saw Jacques Cousteau on tv and decided to be a marine biologist) and now. I have no practice at this. I have no experience living this way. I feel ungrounded, unsettled. I have clearly-defined short-term and long-term goals, but I'm starting to question them.
I look at my deepest-held goals, the goals that brought me to USM, and slowly I begin to realize that I'm exactly where I need to be. I'm doing everything I need to do. I'm not missing anything. I am full. I am complete in this moment. One day, my intuition chimes in that this period will only last until June. Can I hang with this feeling for six months?! Against all odds and all past experience, I surrender to being where I am. I decide to relax and enjoy it. Suddenly, it feels like an adventure. Where will I go? Where will these six months take me? I have no idea. But, intuitively, I feel the potential energy waiting for me on the other side of June. I feel like Tony in West Side Story. Something's coming, don't know what it is but it is gonna be great. The air is humming...but not for a few months yet.
When friends ask me about USM, I get a little evasive, a little vague. Yes, it's amazing, but no, I have no idea where it's taking me. What will I do after I finish? Who knows?! Through many conversations that all seem to be the same conversation but with different people, I notice that I am still me, I have all my same parts. I still love dolphins. I still love teaching. I still love writing, and being a mom, and helping people, and being outside, and running on trails along the creek. It's just that I feel like my parts are re-arranging. I feel like a deck of cards, I say to my friends, that is being re-shuffled and I don't know how all the parts are going to fit together in the end. What order will the cards be in? I don't know. But I know that each card is a part of me. I'm not losing anything, I'm just re-arranging.
Going to USM is like surrendering my deck of cards to the great cosmic dealer. Hands of light and love envelope me and move individual cards around. The process takes time - I imagine these divine hands enjoying the process like my grandmother loved to do before a good game of gin rummy, fanning the cards, gracefully folding them back into each other, shuffling again, fanning in a different pattern, folding and shuffling yet again.
And so this is where I am living right now, in the middle of re-shuffling my deck.
I've never been comfortable with the unknown. Goal-oriented to a fault, I'm lost without something to be working toward. But I can live in the future indefinitely - I'm fine with delayed gratification as long as I know something's coming, that I'm going somewhere. And as long as I know my goal, then I know that the payoff is coming. There have only been two times in my life when I didn't have a goal: from birth to age 6 (when I first saw Jacques Cousteau on tv and decided to be a marine biologist) and now. I have no practice at this. I have no experience living this way. I feel ungrounded, unsettled. I have clearly-defined short-term and long-term goals, but I'm starting to question them.
I look at my deepest-held goals, the goals that brought me to USM, and slowly I begin to realize that I'm exactly where I need to be. I'm doing everything I need to do. I'm not missing anything. I am full. I am complete in this moment. One day, my intuition chimes in that this period will only last until June. Can I hang with this feeling for six months?! Against all odds and all past experience, I surrender to being where I am. I decide to relax and enjoy it. Suddenly, it feels like an adventure. Where will I go? Where will these six months take me? I have no idea. But, intuitively, I feel the potential energy waiting for me on the other side of June. I feel like Tony in West Side Story. Something's coming, don't know what it is but it is gonna be great. The air is humming...but not for a few months yet.
When friends ask me about USM, I get a little evasive, a little vague. Yes, it's amazing, but no, I have no idea where it's taking me. What will I do after I finish? Who knows?! Through many conversations that all seem to be the same conversation but with different people, I notice that I am still me, I have all my same parts. I still love dolphins. I still love teaching. I still love writing, and being a mom, and helping people, and being outside, and running on trails along the creek. It's just that I feel like my parts are re-arranging. I feel like a deck of cards, I say to my friends, that is being re-shuffled and I don't know how all the parts are going to fit together in the end. What order will the cards be in? I don't know. But I know that each card is a part of me. I'm not losing anything, I'm just re-arranging.
Going to USM is like surrendering my deck of cards to the great cosmic dealer. Hands of light and love envelope me and move individual cards around. The process takes time - I imagine these divine hands enjoying the process like my grandmother loved to do before a good game of gin rummy, fanning the cards, gracefully folding them back into each other, shuffling again, fanning in a different pattern, folding and shuffling yet again.
And so this is where I am living right now, in the middle of re-shuffling my deck.
January Weekend at USM
My peace stayed with me for several days after the December weekend at USM and about two weeks later I had another dream about my mom. In this dream, we were at her house and we were both being healed in this beautiful golden light. It was like her whole house was filled with the light and we just bathed in it together. I woke up feeling so complete and happy.
After New Year's, I went back to LA for the January weekend at USM. I was starting to feel used to the routine and was noticing and accepting the different feel and flow of each weekend. January marked the beginning of a new quarter and our class this quarter is an introduction to the foundational theories of spiritual psychology. This weekend felt a bit more cerebral than the first three. Ron lectured about the different levels of our beings, noting that unresolved issues keep you from knowing yourself at the Authentic Self level. The first four levels (physical, mental, emotional and unconscious) together make up the ego. So Ron's statement makes sense to me because our issues keep us in the ego level: when we're triggered by an issue, we're focusing on our minds or our bodies or our emotions. The Authentic Self transcends these levels and when you reside here you are in a place of love.
The first theory we learned about was Reality Therapy which is based on the physical level, focusing on your actions and behaviors. When examining our actions, we are confronted with inaction. Inaction keeps our hope, our vision of how things could be, alive and protects us from risking failure - while the old saying "nothing ventured, nothing gained" is true, "nothing ventured, nothing lost" is also true because if we never try in our minds we always could have been whatever our dream is. Inaction keeps our dreams alive in our minds but not in our reality. Changing your behavior with Reality Therapy forces confrontation with your issues. As you resolve more and more of your issues, you start to see more positive results in the physical world.
In an in-class exercise in Reality Therapy, I realized that I was a victim of "hopeful" thinking and inaction. I had performance anxiety about trying new things and practicing my newly-embraced psychic abilities. Old scripts kept popping up in my mind : "You're doing it wrong" and "I'm not good enough" and "It's not okay to speak my truth." I wish I could say that these phrases are now gone from my thinking, but they are not. I released a lot of the emotion around them, but these beliefs feel more deeply ingrained than any pattern I've confronted so far. All I can say is that I took the edge off them and when they pop up now I can bring my awareness to them in a way that I couldn't before - I can evaluate them without judgment and make a conscious choice about whether to believe them or not. The good news is that I'm not automatically believing them and getting upset. (Later in the weekend, we each received a bumper sticker from a USM grad that reads "You don't have to believe everything you think" and I can really relate to that sentiment now!)
In a later exercise, I examined one of the phrases that came up earlier: it's not okay to speak my truth. In the past, I have held myself back fearing . . .well, I don't know what I was so afraid of. I just know that I was locked in silence and rarely voiced my opinions unless they agreed with others' opinions. I was rarely the dissenting vote and never played the Devil's Advocate. In this exercise, I realized that recently in a personally challenging situation, I was strong, clear, took a big risk , and spoke my truth clearly and honestly. In class, I recognized and accepted myself as the person I'd always wanted to be when I grew up. Wow. I shed a lot of tears on that one - it seemed it was almost harder to see the beauty and strength in myself than it was to see the weakness and fear. But the objective evidence was there and I was who I wanted to be. I was living it in my world without even trying. And now I saw it for myself. No more damsel in distress, waiting to be rescued, I can do my own rescuing, thank you very much. I was changing before my very eyes.
Our issues come from judgments about ourselves and our circumstances. Based on the number of issues that have surfaced for me since October, I'd say that I have been fairly busy judging just about everything that has ever happened to me. How did I ever get through school? When did I have time to take care of my kids?! Of course, the judging is so swift and unconscious, we could do it in our sleep (and we probably do!). All this judging is just an indicator of where I've been spending my time -- in the ego level of my being. If I'd been residing in my Authentic Self, I wouldn't have been judging myself so completely or so harshly (or at all).
Before the end of the weekend, Ron reminded us that all judgments are a lie. If we are living in acceptance (which is what we are doing when we reside in our Authentic Self), we don't make judgments. Then we act out of love. Here, we can experience more humor, joy and enthusiasm than is possible in the ego level of the personality and our aliveness goes up. I am counting on the cumulative effect of addressing and releasing many small issues to bring me gradually to that place of residing in my Authentic Self. By releasing old judgments and not making new ones, I feel like I'm creating space to be more of my true self. The fewer issues I have, the fewer anchors I have to my ego level of awareness and the more I can transcend my ego and live vibrantly in my Authentic Self.
Based on the changes in my behavior that I'm seeing, it might be happening already.
After New Year's, I went back to LA for the January weekend at USM. I was starting to feel used to the routine and was noticing and accepting the different feel and flow of each weekend. January marked the beginning of a new quarter and our class this quarter is an introduction to the foundational theories of spiritual psychology. This weekend felt a bit more cerebral than the first three. Ron lectured about the different levels of our beings, noting that unresolved issues keep you from knowing yourself at the Authentic Self level. The first four levels (physical, mental, emotional and unconscious) together make up the ego. So Ron's statement makes sense to me because our issues keep us in the ego level: when we're triggered by an issue, we're focusing on our minds or our bodies or our emotions. The Authentic Self transcends these levels and when you reside here you are in a place of love.
The first theory we learned about was Reality Therapy which is based on the physical level, focusing on your actions and behaviors. When examining our actions, we are confronted with inaction. Inaction keeps our hope, our vision of how things could be, alive and protects us from risking failure - while the old saying "nothing ventured, nothing gained" is true, "nothing ventured, nothing lost" is also true because if we never try in our minds we always could have been whatever our dream is. Inaction keeps our dreams alive in our minds but not in our reality. Changing your behavior with Reality Therapy forces confrontation with your issues. As you resolve more and more of your issues, you start to see more positive results in the physical world.
In an in-class exercise in Reality Therapy, I realized that I was a victim of "hopeful" thinking and inaction. I had performance anxiety about trying new things and practicing my newly-embraced psychic abilities. Old scripts kept popping up in my mind : "You're doing it wrong" and "I'm not good enough" and "It's not okay to speak my truth." I wish I could say that these phrases are now gone from my thinking, but they are not. I released a lot of the emotion around them, but these beliefs feel more deeply ingrained than any pattern I've confronted so far. All I can say is that I took the edge off them and when they pop up now I can bring my awareness to them in a way that I couldn't before - I can evaluate them without judgment and make a conscious choice about whether to believe them or not. The good news is that I'm not automatically believing them and getting upset. (Later in the weekend, we each received a bumper sticker from a USM grad that reads "You don't have to believe everything you think" and I can really relate to that sentiment now!)
In a later exercise, I examined one of the phrases that came up earlier: it's not okay to speak my truth. In the past, I have held myself back fearing . . .well, I don't know what I was so afraid of. I just know that I was locked in silence and rarely voiced my opinions unless they agreed with others' opinions. I was rarely the dissenting vote and never played the Devil's Advocate. In this exercise, I realized that recently in a personally challenging situation, I was strong, clear, took a big risk , and spoke my truth clearly and honestly. In class, I recognized and accepted myself as the person I'd always wanted to be when I grew up. Wow. I shed a lot of tears on that one - it seemed it was almost harder to see the beauty and strength in myself than it was to see the weakness and fear. But the objective evidence was there and I was who I wanted to be. I was living it in my world without even trying. And now I saw it for myself. No more damsel in distress, waiting to be rescued, I can do my own rescuing, thank you very much. I was changing before my very eyes.
Our issues come from judgments about ourselves and our circumstances. Based on the number of issues that have surfaced for me since October, I'd say that I have been fairly busy judging just about everything that has ever happened to me. How did I ever get through school? When did I have time to take care of my kids?! Of course, the judging is so swift and unconscious, we could do it in our sleep (and we probably do!). All this judging is just an indicator of where I've been spending my time -- in the ego level of my being. If I'd been residing in my Authentic Self, I wouldn't have been judging myself so completely or so harshly (or at all).
Before the end of the weekend, Ron reminded us that all judgments are a lie. If we are living in acceptance (which is what we are doing when we reside in our Authentic Self), we don't make judgments. Then we act out of love. Here, we can experience more humor, joy and enthusiasm than is possible in the ego level of the personality and our aliveness goes up. I am counting on the cumulative effect of addressing and releasing many small issues to bring me gradually to that place of residing in my Authentic Self. By releasing old judgments and not making new ones, I feel like I'm creating space to be more of my true self. The fewer issues I have, the fewer anchors I have to my ego level of awareness and the more I can transcend my ego and live vibrantly in my Authentic Self.
Based on the changes in my behavior that I'm seeing, it might be happening already.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
December at USM - Day 3
I arrived at USM Sunday morning in a fog. We immediately moved into trios and I shared my dream and my realization that my interaction with my mom was the catalyst for me to reject my spirituality and natural psychic abilities. With my two trio partners, I eloquently and beautifully spoke my truth about what I feel is my mission on Earth - to give voices to the animals, especially dolphins, about what their spiritual reality is. Just as we are divine beings having a human experience, they are divine beings having a horse or dolphin or caterpillar experience -- with spiritual lessons that are equally as valid and important as humans'. In this sharing, I shaved a layer off the sadness I was feeling about my mom and the dream this morning.
Our next process on Sunday was a Healing Memories Guided Visualization. I have no memory of what happened for me during that visualization because I fell asleep, but as I listened to the two songs playing afterward I realized that my sadness had been completely lifted and the only healing left for me to do was to apply love, acceptance and forgiveness to the situation and everyone involved. The first song, "I will play the music while you sing your song," made me feel like my adult self was saying this to my younger self and then it felt like god was saying to me now as an adult, "Spirit will support me in my dreams." I felt the message from the second song, "In a simple way I love you," at three levels. It felt like a message from my Higher Self to myself, a message from Spirit to me, and a message from my mom to me. I was left with a real sense of peace, feeling completely loved and supported.
After lunch with my trio partners from this morning, we joined a group of USM students walking down Wilshire Boulevard toward the school. I was walking alone on the building side of the sidewalk as the group coalesced into pairs in different conservations. All of a sudden, I felt a tingling behind my right ear and an energy lightly pressing against my right shoulder. I had a knowingness that there was a spirit there - it was my psychic phone line ringing. I knew I had a choice - I could either answer it or ignore it. I decided to answer it. It felt like someone's grandfather who had died. I called to a friend walking alone on the street side of the group, "Hey, do you have a grandfather who passed over?" "Yes!" was his immediate reply. "Well, I think he wants to tell you something." I proceeded to pass the message along to my friend, who then had some questions for his grandfather (who had died several years ago), who had some answers and some more things to say. Their conversation ended in front of the sushi restaurant across the street from USM. I hung up my psychic phone, making sure that the connection was now closed, and checked in with my friend. Everything that I had heard from his grandfather and relayed to him had made total sense and he was comforted by the conversation. We both began the afternoon session of classes feeling energized and at peace.
The afternoon brought new information about relationships and upsets. We were reminded that all of our issues are inside of us (the problem is never "out there") and that in order to create quality relationships, we need to work our process on ourselves, resolving our issues so that they don't get triggered by our friends, family and co-workers. Our relationships act as mirrors to us of our unresolved issues, giving us material to work on for our spiritual evolution. So, how do we work our process and heal these issues inside of us? With a new tool: Seven Steps to Issue Resolution.
Following the seven steps, I easily and naturally came to a place of 100% self-responsibility for my thoughts and feelings and decisions made as an adult and as a five-year-old. I forgave myself and my mom for whatever happened when I was little. I forgave myself for believing the judgments I made against myself and my family and forgave my mom for inadvertently being my loving stacker. In a twenty minute trio process, I completely resolved the issue with my mom and my rejection of my spirituality and felt at peace about it.
After our final session of the weekend, I was struck by how quickly this issue had come up and been resolved. It originally arose Friday night in my first exercise of the weekend and I worked through it and completely resolved it by Sunday afternoon. And this was the deepest issue I have ever addressed. Throughout the weekend, I had imagined that resolving this issue would take weeks of intensive self-searching and work. But it didn't. It wasn't instantaneous or effortless, but by being honest and accepting what was present for me in each moment, I was able to see things clearly and process the issue naturally. I felt like the weekend gave me a gift - I was given back a piece of myself that I had rejected forty years ago. I felt whole again, like it was safe to be myself. I was so moved by the experience that I stood up and shared the whole thing with all 269 of my classmates Sunday evening.
I had arrived at USM this morning in a fog, but I left on a cloud. In between I owned and shared my spiritual truth, resolved an issue that was causing me pain and sadness, had a psychic experience that completely validated my abilities that I had invalidated as a child, and connected with my fellow students more deeply than I had thought possible.
I just might be growing as a human being. :-)
Our next process on Sunday was a Healing Memories Guided Visualization. I have no memory of what happened for me during that visualization because I fell asleep, but as I listened to the two songs playing afterward I realized that my sadness had been completely lifted and the only healing left for me to do was to apply love, acceptance and forgiveness to the situation and everyone involved. The first song, "I will play the music while you sing your song," made me feel like my adult self was saying this to my younger self and then it felt like god was saying to me now as an adult, "Spirit will support me in my dreams." I felt the message from the second song, "In a simple way I love you," at three levels. It felt like a message from my Higher Self to myself, a message from Spirit to me, and a message from my mom to me. I was left with a real sense of peace, feeling completely loved and supported.
After lunch with my trio partners from this morning, we joined a group of USM students walking down Wilshire Boulevard toward the school. I was walking alone on the building side of the sidewalk as the group coalesced into pairs in different conservations. All of a sudden, I felt a tingling behind my right ear and an energy lightly pressing against my right shoulder. I had a knowingness that there was a spirit there - it was my psychic phone line ringing. I knew I had a choice - I could either answer it or ignore it. I decided to answer it. It felt like someone's grandfather who had died. I called to a friend walking alone on the street side of the group, "Hey, do you have a grandfather who passed over?" "Yes!" was his immediate reply. "Well, I think he wants to tell you something." I proceeded to pass the message along to my friend, who then had some questions for his grandfather (who had died several years ago), who had some answers and some more things to say. Their conversation ended in front of the sushi restaurant across the street from USM. I hung up my psychic phone, making sure that the connection was now closed, and checked in with my friend. Everything that I had heard from his grandfather and relayed to him had made total sense and he was comforted by the conversation. We both began the afternoon session of classes feeling energized and at peace.
The afternoon brought new information about relationships and upsets. We were reminded that all of our issues are inside of us (the problem is never "out there") and that in order to create quality relationships, we need to work our process on ourselves, resolving our issues so that they don't get triggered by our friends, family and co-workers. Our relationships act as mirrors to us of our unresolved issues, giving us material to work on for our spiritual evolution. So, how do we work our process and heal these issues inside of us? With a new tool: Seven Steps to Issue Resolution.
Following the seven steps, I easily and naturally came to a place of 100% self-responsibility for my thoughts and feelings and decisions made as an adult and as a five-year-old. I forgave myself and my mom for whatever happened when I was little. I forgave myself for believing the judgments I made against myself and my family and forgave my mom for inadvertently being my loving stacker. In a twenty minute trio process, I completely resolved the issue with my mom and my rejection of my spirituality and felt at peace about it.
After our final session of the weekend, I was struck by how quickly this issue had come up and been resolved. It originally arose Friday night in my first exercise of the weekend and I worked through it and completely resolved it by Sunday afternoon. And this was the deepest issue I have ever addressed. Throughout the weekend, I had imagined that resolving this issue would take weeks of intensive self-searching and work. But it didn't. It wasn't instantaneous or effortless, but by being honest and accepting what was present for me in each moment, I was able to see things clearly and process the issue naturally. I felt like the weekend gave me a gift - I was given back a piece of myself that I had rejected forty years ago. I felt whole again, like it was safe to be myself. I was so moved by the experience that I stood up and shared the whole thing with all 269 of my classmates Sunday evening.
I had arrived at USM this morning in a fog, but I left on a cloud. In between I owned and shared my spiritual truth, resolved an issue that was causing me pain and sadness, had a psychic experience that completely validated my abilities that I had invalidated as a child, and connected with my fellow students more deeply than I had thought possible.
I just might be growing as a human being. :-)
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