December at USM - Day 3

I arrived at USM Sunday morning in a fog. We immediately moved into trios and I shared my dream and my realization that my interaction with my mom was the catalyst for me to reject my spirituality and natural psychic abilities. With my two trio partners, I eloquently and beautifully spoke my truth about what I feel is my mission on Earth - to give voices to the animals, especially dolphins, about what their spiritual reality is. Just as we are divine beings having a human experience, they are divine beings having a horse or dolphin or caterpillar experience -- with spiritual lessons that are equally as valid and important as humans'. In this sharing, I shaved a layer off the sadness I was feeling about my mom and the dream this morning.

Our next process on Sunday was a Healing Memories Guided Visualization. I have no memory of what happened for me during that visualization because I fell asleep, but as I listened to the two songs playing afterward I realized that my sadness had been completely lifted and the only healing left for me to do was to apply love, acceptance and forgiveness to the situation and everyone involved. The first song, "I will play the music while you sing your song," made me feel like my adult self was saying this to my younger self and then it felt like god was saying to me now as an adult, "Spirit will support me in my dreams." I felt the message from the second song, "In a simple way I love you," at three levels. It felt like a message from my Higher Self to myself, a message from Spirit to me, and a message from my mom to me. I was left with a real sense of peace, feeling completely loved and supported.

After lunch with my trio partners from this morning, we joined a group of USM students walking down Wilshire Boulevard toward the school. I was walking alone on the building side of the sidewalk as the group coalesced into pairs in different conservations. All of a sudden, I felt a tingling behind my right ear and an energy lightly pressing against my right shoulder. I had a knowingness that there was a spirit there - it was my psychic phone line ringing. I knew I had a choice - I could either answer it or ignore it. I decided to answer it. It felt like someone's grandfather who had died. I called to a friend walking alone on the street side of the group, "Hey, do you have a grandfather who passed over?" "Yes!" was his immediate reply. "Well, I think he wants to tell you something." I proceeded to pass the message along to my friend, who then had some questions for his grandfather (who had died several years ago), who had some answers and some more things to say. Their conversation ended in front of the sushi restaurant across the street from USM. I hung up my psychic phone, making sure that the connection was now closed, and checked in with my friend. Everything that I had heard from his grandfather and relayed to him had made total sense and he was comforted by the conversation. We both began the afternoon session of classes feeling energized and at peace.

The afternoon brought new information about relationships and upsets. We were reminded that all of our issues are inside of us (the problem is never "out there") and that in order to create quality relationships, we need to work our process on ourselves, resolving our issues so that they don't get triggered by our friends, family and co-workers. Our relationships act as mirrors to us of our unresolved issues, giving us material to work on for our spiritual evolution. So, how do we work our process and heal these issues inside of us? With a new tool: Seven Steps to Issue Resolution.

Following the seven steps, I easily and naturally came to a place of 100% self-responsibility for my thoughts and feelings and decisions made as an adult and as a five-year-old. I forgave myself and my mom for whatever happened when I was little. I forgave myself for believing the judgments I made against myself and my family and forgave my mom for inadvertently being my loving stacker. In a twenty minute trio process, I completely resolved the issue with my mom and my rejection of my spirituality and felt at peace about it.

After our final session of the weekend, I was struck by how quickly this issue had come up and been resolved. It originally arose Friday night in my first exercise of the weekend and I worked through it and completely resolved it by Sunday afternoon. And this was the deepest issue I have ever addressed. Throughout the weekend, I had imagined that resolving this issue would take weeks of intensive self-searching and work. But it didn't. It wasn't instantaneous or effortless, but by being honest and accepting what was present for me in each moment, I was able to see things clearly and process the issue naturally. I felt like the weekend gave me a gift - I was given back a piece of myself that I had rejected forty years ago. I felt whole again, like it was safe to be myself. I was so moved by the experience that I stood up and shared the whole thing with all 269 of my classmates Sunday evening.

I had arrived at USM this morning in a fog, but I left on a cloud. In between I owned and shared my spiritual truth, resolved an issue that was causing me pain and sadness, had a psychic experience that completely validated my abilities that I had invalidated as a child, and connected with my fellow students more deeply than I had thought possible.

I just might be growing as a human being. :-)