December at USM - Day 1

I arrived in LA Friday afternoon feeling a bit unsettled. I'd had the feeling all week. Hard to define, hard to even notice, but it was there, just under the surface. I felt a little raw with a vague sense of something coming up, but no idea of what it was.

Our topic Friday night was cultivating an Attitude of Gratitude. Ron and Mary began the session by quoting Ram Dass ("If you think you're enlightened, go home for Thanksgiving") and reminding us that we each have a choice in how we interpret any situation. We can see our issues as problems or as blessings.

In two different trios, we practiced re-framing our issues as blessings or opportunities. My issue that evening was feeling like a failure because I couldn't "fix" my work situation. I felt that I was letting others down and that they would judge me for it. I was afraid that I'd lose opportunities for future work if I weren't in that position any more. I realized that those "others" were not the real issue. I was judging myself and I got so sick of being stuck in that rigid, judgmental place. I realized that my opportunity is to trust myself to make the right decisions for me right now. As I looked deeper, I realized that this was the real issue for me - trusting myself.

I finished the exercise with a deep sense of wanting some alone time to explore and experience the USM curriculum with no pressure to have a job or make money or do anything. But there was that nagging sense of not being able to trust myself to make the right decision for myself. I wasn't sure where that was coming from, but it was very much there as I left USM, went home and got ready for bed.

I slept fitfully that night after waiting a long time to get to sleep. But when I woke up, I felt surrounded by dolphin energy. It was like there were dolphins in the room swimming all around me. It felt just like the old days swimming with dolphins while doing research in the Bahamas - it's an unmistakable feeeling to have swirling around you. I wallowed in the energy for several minutes until it faded away and it was time for me to get up and get ready for Day 2 of the weekend.