Is this for me? Now?

Getting ready for my first weekend of classes at USM, I had some reservations. Although part of me felt like Harry running through the streets to get to Sally on New Year's Eve in the movie "When Harry Met Sally," I wasn't sure that this was the right thing for me to do right now.

My concerns were:
1. Timing. It makes more sense to wait a year. Then Zane will be in kindergarten and the logistics for where my kids are during the day will be easier. It won't be such a burden on Chris to pick them up Friday afternoon (30 minutes drive out to get Zane before 5pm) and to get them to school on Monday before work at 8:30am. Not only that, but I'd also started a year-long Monday night class in June. Maybe it would be better to wait until that class is over.

2. Money. I cut back my hours from 20 per week to 15 per week this semester. So I am no making less money and adding a monthly expense of $800 - $1000. Nice math!

3. Cold feet. Maybe I'm just not ready. It's kind of a hassle. Do I have time to do the homework? Am I being selfish? Am I overcommitting myself? Why am I really doing this? Do I even know what I want? Is that even achievable? Am I asking too much of my family? Am I deserting my kids? What is "Spiritual Psychology" anyway? It seemed vague and I certainly couldn't define it or even explain to friends and acquaintances who asked me what it was and why I was doing it. And didn't I already have a master's degree and a PhD? What was I going to do with this degree anyway? (My inner critic found lots of ammunition here.)

Most of this was going on inside my head as I packed and drove to the airport and gave last hugs and kisses to my kids and husband. Small tears in my eyes as I said goodbye to my kids, I silently reminded myself that I could stop any time. I'm just going to check it out and see if I want to commit. I was committed to the weekend and so I went forward outwardly clear and strong but inwardly wishy-washy.